Done Fighting It
by HP Slash Luv
Summary: S6 AU. Buffy is too tired to continue fighting it.


**Title:** Done Fighting It  
 **Pairing:** Spike/Buffy **  
Warnings:** None  
 **Disclaimer:** Don't own 'em - not making any money off 'em.  
 **Summary:** S6 AU.Buffy is too tired to continue fighting it.  
 **Notes:** This is what might have happened if Buffy realized what was right in front of her during season 6.

* * *

Buffy's eyes slowly drifted open. Her brain was fuzzy, but she still realized it was the first time since her resurrection that she slept a full night with no nightmares disrupting her sleep whatsoever.

Even after being fully rested, she wasn't ready to get up and face the day. She was just so comfortable right where she was.

She closed her eyes and burrowed her head in the very comfortable pillow, and it was only then that she realized that her pillow was actually an arm. Her eyes snapped open, and she saw it was a very pale arm.

She sat straight up, her spine stiff, ready to jump out of bed and deny that it meant anything. She was ready to reaffirm to Spike that it didn't mean anything, that he was just convenient.

She made the mistake of looking at him and realized he was still sleeping.

Her breath caught at the picture he made. Buffy had learned that Angel got his name because everyone thought he had the face of an angel. Gazing at Spike now though, she could honestly admit that she never saw anyone more beautiful.

He looked so peaceful in his sleep, like he didn't have a care in the world. And for the first time since she started this toxic relationship with Spike, she felt guilty about the way she treated him.

She used her twisted words to hurt him and knew she landed a direct blow every time. She told him again and again that soulless demons couldn't love. Angelus had taught her that. No matter how many times she repeated that to Spike, deep down, she didn't believe the truth of her own words.

She continued to spit them out at Spike like poison though; it was a way to keep him at a distance. She didn't want to let herself fall in love with him, not another vampire, not again.

Her eyes traveled over the face. His sunken cheeks seemed to make him even more alluring when the sallow look would look hideous on most other guys. It worked for him, though. Just like how the all black wardrobe worked for him.

If she was perfectly honest, it wasn't the vampire thing that made her keep him at arms' length. If he wanted to, he could have killed her already. The chip no longer worked when it came to her. Even with his ability to harm her back, he didn't raise a hand to her unless she punched him first. And his punches were never as hard as hers. Frankly, it made her more of a monster than he was.

Tears swelled in her eyes, and she forced herself to look away from a vampire - no, a man - that she gave her body to continuously but never her heart. She feared that if she gave that piece to him, she'd never get it back. And if he got bored, or realized she wasn't worth the trouble, she knew it would devastate her more than anyone else leaving ever did.

Spike was the one who never left, and if even he was driven away because she was incapable of being loved, she didn't know if she could ever recover.

She got up from the bed, wiping the tears away, and doing her best to sniffle quietly, in order to not wake him up. She didn't want to deal with him while emotional.

Despite her desire to keep her heart safe with lock and key, she knew that he was sneaking his way into it. And if she didn't stop this thing between them, he would have her heart and it would be broken once again.

She picked up her shirt and panties. Her shirt had a large rip and her panties were torn right down the center. She shook her head at it. He was very urgent last night and it seemed her clothes had paid the prize. Neither was salvageable.

She went to where Spike kept his clothes and rooted around, finally settling on a Jurassic Park t-shirt. She looked at it for a moment – she hadn't even known he was a fan of the movie – and then put it on, seeing that it fell to her thighs. She quickly found her pants, putting them on as well. She turned around, ready to make her quiet escape, only to find her path blocked.

"You've been crying," he murmured, his coarse accent gentled in his concern.

She swallowed. "I'm fine. I need to go, though."

"Is there anything I can do to make you want to stay with me?"

Her heart broke when she saw his pleading expression. She was so sick of hurting him, and right then, she didn't have the energy to do it. "Can you hold me?"

His eyebrows shot up at the declaration. She knew it was strange sounding coming from her. "Of course, luv. Anything."

He opened his arms and she ran into them. She sighed softly when they came around her, keeping her safe in his strong embrace.

She rested her ear against his silent chest and closed her eyes. She breathed in the smell of smoke and whiskey that seemed to hover around Spike.

"Buffy?" he asked into her hair.

"I don't love you," she reiterated.

She felt him stiffen and begin to pull away, sure that she was about to turn on him with angry fists and even angrier words.

She held onto his back tighter, keeping him in place. "And I'm afraid to fall in love with you. Afraid of being hurt by love like I have in the past. I'm too tired to continue running from it, though. I don't love you, yet, but I know I could in the future."

"Are you saying you'll give me a real chance?"

She finally lifted her head and stared into Spike sea blue eyes, eyes that were filled with so much hope. "I'm scared. So scared, but the idea of losing you because you get fed up scares me even more. I know you can't promise to never leave me – it would be unfair of me to make you promise that – but I hope I'll always have you in my life, even if you fall out of love with me."

"Buffy, I'm never leaving. No matter what, you'll have to deal with me. That's a promise."

"Then yes, I would like to see what we could be. I'm not ready for the others to know yet, though. I can't deal with their judgmental words, not yet. I hope you understand."

"I do." And Spike bent down, claiming her lips in a searing kiss, and for the first time, she didn't attempt any resistance.

She wasn't sure what would happen between her and Spike, but she was finally going to find out what they might be. She closed her eyes and got lost in Spike's lips, shutting her mind off to the outside world. Yes, she would finally find out what they might be. It was about time.


End file.
